Fraudulent Fertilisation

“I’ve got to be reasonable, I can’t lose control,” Alicia ordered herself, “Mabel’s depending on me, I can’t abandon her... After all, I’m not going to hurt Roberto: I’m only going to hide a few things from him out of necessity; it’s just to help a dying woman, Álvez can’t have lied to me... I hope it’s true, I beg Heaven to let it be so.”

Faced with the girl’s silence, Roberto repeated his question.

“You haven’t answered me. Don’t you know what I’d like to do now? Are you frightened of answering me, or can’t you imagine what I want to do?”

“Yes, Roberto, I can imagine; I think you’ve realised how close I feel to you haven’t you?” she said, taking him by the hand.

Burán was moved. He smiled and, kissing her hand softly, whispered,

“Come on, Alicia, don’t worry, I’m not going to pressurise you; I want you to act spontaneously and without worrying, is that clear, dear?”

She nodded her head slightly; then they left the restaurant arm in arm, united by the full conscience that they were going to fuse their souls and bodies, to repeat a love story that has been told a thousand times. But in spite of this apparent lack of originality, they felt as if they were the first and only ones who had experienced such emotion. As the poet would say: “they thought they had invented love”. This conviction that gave dynamism to the new born idyll was beautiful, flooding it with magic enthusiasm. Alicia oscillated permanently between enchantment and anguish; it was difficult for her to keep her balance. When she abandoned herself spiritually, she saw herself before Roberto as a teenager in love, wanting to isolate herself with her loved one. Her mission was terrible. Was her falling in love an illusion? Perhaps it was a trick of her unconscious to sweet-talk her victim. She did not yet know how to carry out her task; she was disgusted with herself, several times it crossed her mind to tell him everything.

“If I tell him he’ll be horrified,” she thought, “Mabel will be out in the open again, I have to think of her; everything else is secondary, I don’t have to worry about Roberto anymore, I have to remember that he won’t suffer because of me, after all, he’ll enjoy going to bed with me... If I tell him the truth it’ll be disastrous; I can’t go away either, it would be impossible now; if poor Mabel knew about this! I can’t do anything else, I’d better not think about it too much. And what if I don’t get the sperm? And if I hide everything from Roberto?” she went on imagining, “in that case, I’d go on seeing him as if nothing had happened; he’d never find out that our meeting was arranged beforehand, that way it would be perfect. But, what would I do about Mabel’s problem? There’s no way out, there’s no solution, I can’t afford the luxury of hesitation...”

The memory of her desperate sister erased her last doubts; the pregnancy was advancing, day by day the danger grew worse. There was too much at stake.

They went to a hotel for couples, near the cemetery on the hill, one of the most luxurious in Mar del Plata. Before they went in, Alicia made an effort and said,

“I haven’t got any type of protection: I could get pregnant, I’m at the worst time...”

Roberto understood her fears, but he was surprised. He was used to women taking precautions in a different way, using the coil or taking the pill. In any case, he wasn’t displeased with Alicia for warning him that there was a danger, rather he took it as a demonstration of responsibility on her part. He answered calmly,

“That’s OK, girl, is it enough for you if I take care? I could pull out when the decisive moment arrives. You understand, don’t you?”

Roberto was suggesting that he ejaculate outside her body. But logically, Alicia could not accept such a proposal. She answered,

“No, Roberto, forgive me, but that way I’d be very tense the whole time. I’m terrified of getting pregnant, I’m sorry, I know it seems stupid but I beg you to use a condom.”

Roberto did not at all like the idea of “restricting” this opportunity which he perceived as magnificent. He would have liked something different, more natural, less subject to conditions, but he understood that the circumstances obliged him to take precautions.

“All right, dear,” he said, “I’ll ask for one in reception.”